
i don't know if I've always been like this, or i am just now realizing it... I am awkward. i mean like the "i-make-other-people-feel-uncomfortable" kind of awkward. i get in these situations where i'll start talking,( but it doesn't really sound like talking, more like a bunch of unfinished words) and then realize that i am being awkward, then i panic, my mind goes blank, and there is usually a long pause . sometimes i try to fix it, and other times i will just give up in the middle of the sentence and stop talking. a few people will try to be nice and just go along with it, but most of the time i will just get blank stares. I'm being serious. This happens on average of six to ten times a week.
Actual sentences i have said in the last week:
to the laurels: " so, are you, uh i mean me or we going bring treats, er or uh food to eat,...... or umsome("umsome" is a word i use quite frequently) snacks for the meeting?.... you know to plan....activities... for ummmmmm....... mutual?"
to my mother- in- law:" i think we are uh, going on Friday to get pedicures, me and karla, friday right? you can come i don't know where(meaning the place) or are you, or do you want to come? Friday.
to a client:" how was Pittsburgh's? didn't you guys just go there on vacation?" Client- " uh, no we didn't" me- " oh thats right, you guys just moved into your new house" Client-" uh no, we haven't moved??" At this point , i feel like the client hates me because i can not remember a single thing about them and i am getting them mixed up with someone else. i feel stupid, they feel stupid and i just stopped talking. Luckily, it was just a bang trim and it only lasted five minutes.
ahhhhhhhhh! I am embarrassed for myself!! I don't even know how i can avoid stuff like this? Even if i thought it out before i said it, it still come out wrong. This is just how i am and i have accepted it and I'm just going to live my life one awkward moment at a time.

















